Smelly Tales from my Yoga Mat
I recently had the non-joy and major karmic irritation of standing next several seriously stinky individuals in yoga class. Sure, it’s hot yoga. People sweat. Sweat smells. Yadda Yadda. That’s fine. But how about applying some deodorant before class folks? Ever heard of showering? Geez Louise!
I am not judging the stinky ones to be good or bad people. They could be working to cure cancer or save the whales. I dunno. But suffering from an airborne assault twice in a 7 day span is just too much to bear. How will I endure another class?
Request for answers from my Giggle On Community
So I ask myself: self – what’s the plan for next class? How do I avoid the nose squinching, eye lash curling stink created by some of these yoga people?
Here are a few of my ideas:
1) Stop practicing hot yoga
2) Insert mothballs in my nose
3) Practice yoga in the corner of the room
4) Stop showering and create my own offensive odor
5) Hand out deodorant to everyone before class
What would YOU do if you were me?
The Giggler who answers in the most creative and humorous way before October 21, 2008 will receive a very cool (made in America) Giggle On t-shirt! If I pee in my pants or shoot liquid out of my nose while reading your reply, you are a shoe-in to win. Good luck!
Male and female style shirts are available.
Back to the Stinky Story
So here I am…at band camp yoga class and I am doing my pranayama breathing exercises (that’s deep breathing for the non-yogi/yogini readers).
I was relaxed and fully settled into my happy yoga place (the same place where chocolate flows from the kitchen sink and all food is calorie free). I was was seriously proud of myself for getting my fat ass fabulicious body back to a state of yoganess. Ommmmmmm
The trouble started during half moon pose
During the first set of standing half moon pose (see example to the left) the airborne nasal assault started.
In this pose both arms extend overhead and hands press together in prayer position. Fingers interlace with one another and the index fingers point to the ceiling. The head gazes forward and stays that way through the entire pose. We focus. We breathe. We relax (well, sort of). Let me add that this pose makes it very easy to sniff one’s own arm pits. I’m just sayin’…
Side note to Kim Fabulous: this was the pose I tried on your new Wii Fit last Sunday. I may be back this weekend to try tree pose. Get the Corona chilled, the limes cut and put the kids to bed early, ok?
Do I stink?
As I admired my perfect-ilicious standing half moon I suddenly noticed a foul body odor emanating from Lord only knows where. Was it me? Was I the stinky one? Naw, couldn’t be.
I turned my head slightly to the right and started to sniff my right arm pit ever so subtly. *sniff sniff* Nope. No smell coming from the right pit. I turned my head to the other side *sniff sniff* and finished the test from left. There was no trace of nasty odor but I did get a nice wiff of my powder scented Secret deodorant Ahhhhh!
As we continued through the practice I had the chance to sniff myself from every possible angle. For the first 10-15 minutes of class I couldn’t determine if I was the reek-master of the bunch or not. I am not one prone to smell. Some people are natural Stinky McStinkertons. I am not.
It was inconceivable that I was the offender. I showered. I smothered both pits with deodorant before class and was wearing the cutest and cleanest yoga clothes on the planet! It must be someone close by that stinks. I know. It is probably a man! Yes Yes!
Men are naturally smelly (no offense, but let’s face it, you stink more than we do. It’s a fact).
On the other hand, women ALWAYS smell like rose petals, perfume and fairy dust… or do we? Hummm
An unusual suspect
I started to suspect that the yoga girl to my left was the stinky one. I hate to think that someone from my gender roll smelled like a dead dog but the evidence was stacking up against her. She initially caught my attention because she spent the first few minutes of class coughing up part of her lung. Her coughing and wheezing got so bad that she rushed out of the room.
I hoped she was ok but also secretly wished she wouldn’t be back. I know it’s not a very enlightened thing for me to say (sorry Buddha), but I gotta be honest. I yearned to go back to my happy and quiet, although smelly, yoga practice.
It wasn’t me!
As soon the “yoga lady cougher” walked out the room the offensive smell instantly cleared. wa-la! The fresh scent of rubber yoga mats and deodorant covered arm pits filled my consciousness. woo – hoo! I was filled with relief that the odor was gone, gone, GONE! I was so very thankful that the stink wasn’t caused by me but equally SHOCKED that the smell was created by one of my people, my gender – another woman! DOH!
How do I avoid the nose squinching, eye lash curling stink created by my yoga comrades?
Get your gigglicious comments ready and shoot them my way for a chance to win a Giggle On t-shirt!
On your mark, get set………GO!
Update: Smelly Yoga contest winner Large Marge and her son, Son of Large Marge, and daughter, Daughter of Large Marge decided they wanted Giggle On! hats instead of shirts. Here they are modeling the loot!! wooo hooo
Large Marge & Son of Large Marge (not giggling!)
Son of Large Marge
Daughter of Large Marge