Marijuana Pranayama

Too Bad I Threw Out My Bong

I am lamenting the loss of my bong. I haven’t thought about my bong in years but after this past gun-shot laden anxiety filled week, I wish she were here.

I wonder where she is now, Miss Bong-ette, my Bong-ita, that special Bong-ini. What is she doing? Is she in a landfill? Is she happy? Does she miss me? I miss her.

After a week of nonsense in the neighborhood, I am a bit on edge.

Blowing Stuff Up

To add insult to injury (aforementioned nonsense), the kids in the neighborhood have taken it upon themselves to designate the last 7 days as: Let’s Blow Stuff Up Week.

I wish the ankle biting crumb snatchers would have sent me a damn memo about their fire cracker and wrist rocket escapades. Damn Giggle Killing Bastards. Maybe the memo is in my spam folder. Lemme go check.

Marijuana Pranayama

I think perhaps some marijuana pranayama might help. Pranayama is a Sanskrit word meaning “breath control”. Yoga (the asana kind and the laughter kind) is ALL about breath control.

Breath control calms the nerves. So does ganga the green herb. Why not mix them together? Isn’t that double relaxation?

Inhale. HOLD IT. Exhale.

Deep Inhale…Exhale.


You get the idea. If not, watch my Whoopie Cushion pranayama video and you’ll get the gist quick.

Rosie as Bob Marley, no, she's not the hooch poochHOOCH, RX for Firearm Anxiety

Word in the local Delaware paper is that medical hooch might be legal soon anyway. Why not speed up the process to benefit me?

It IS all about me (and Rosie), isn’t it?

I can see it now – Um, can I get a prescription from the mayor and the Wilmington Police Department to smoke dope?

Isn’t gun related anxiety a serious medical condition? I think so. Hell, even Bill Clinton inhaled so it can’t be wrong, right?

I can’t help but laugh at the irony here (and I still have my sense of humor). I spent so many years depressed and wanting to disappear off the planet and now…I am afraid to get shot! Didn’t Alanis (I hate her) Morrisette write a song about that?

Giving Up my Favorite Fantasy

Aside from being on shell-shock urban edge from the gun play, my intuitive consultant friend (ok, she’s a psychic) told me I need to eliminate my “winning the lottery fantasy” because it’s stunting my spiritual growth (my words, not hers).

Apparently my lottery fantasy fuels an unhealthy relationship with money. Damn it. I LOVE that fantasy. It was right up there with thin thighs, a clear complexion and a home outside of a gun zone.

Will marijuana pranayama help take the edge off a gun-shy Christa?

I know I previously posted that Beer, Bong Hits and Candy Bars are mechanisms to escape and generally, they don’t work. But, in light of the circumstances, is that so wrong? A little escapism? Or, am I just weak and making pathetic excuses to rescue my bong from the landfill and practice stress-relief marijuana pranayama?

You decide.

Coming next: Report on my Laughter Yoga Demo (and explanation of Brazilian Bikini Wax Laughter)

Special thanks to SBH for reminding me to keep it real. Giggle ON!

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  1. Oh, Christa, you are not alone. I, too, long for my bong. She’s long gone. (ooohh…look…I rhymed! sort of…)

    Just one in a long list of many things backward about life, I often wonder what the hell I was thinking when I gave up the green, leafy-like vegetable matter. NOW is when I need it: I have a grown son returned to the nest, a teenage son in the throes of teen love and football and a prepubescent prima donna of a daughter who…well…let me just leave it at that. Yeah.

    So now that we’re supposedly older and wiser, I AM able to conjure the “Dude…it’s all good” attitude when required WITHOUT the wacky tobacky. But, and it’s a BIG but, it’s MUCH more difficult. Not to mention, I slept so much better back then…
    .-= Suzanne´s last blog ..31 Days to Build a Better Blog – The Workbook =-.

  2. Oh, sweetie pie, so scary! But we can’t live in fear, right? What do you need to eliminate the fear? Can you do it in Wilmington, or is that impossible? Only you know…

    As for marijuana pranayama, you would have loved the Harmony Festival. There were medical marijuana clinic tents everywhere (and I think your Bong-ini was there too, jammin’ to Matisyahu- the Hasidic Jew Reggae star.) The whole thing was good for a few kickin’ giggles.

    Miss you. Come visit. I swear, I haven’t heard a single gunshot in Marin :)
    .-= Lissa Rankin´s last blog ..Owning Spirituality: My Hug From Amma =-.

  3. I am a true believer of “to each his own”

    I now many people who smoke that are CEO’s of big companies. It is not anything as bad as alcohol, in my opinion.

    It’s just that the RX companies can’t make money off something that anyone can make in their kitchen…
    .-= Jim Gaudet´s last blog ..Costa Rica Squatters Law =-.

  4. Methinks Delaware needs to reform it’s gun laws… Shall issue concealed carry permits would go a long way to keep the thugs from being so bold. I think the green stuff could make you paranoid in a high gunfire environment.

  5. Hi Christa, it sounds like it is rough in your neighborhood right now. I can empathize with you about reaching for something that soothes the nerves. Chocolate is my drug of choice and still legal only it does nothing for trimming the thighs. Haha! Breathing through the fears is a wise choice so keep breathing~!!!! I hope you call on friends when the mind starts taking you on wild rides. Sending you love and peaceful energies!

  6. Oh my goodness I can’t believe you are that close to all the violence. Bring Rosie and spend the night if you get too anxious. Rosie and my two would love each other. We can even do laugh yoga and be happy.

  7. You are not weak!

    I don’t blame you for feeling scairt. I would too. And I look forward to the day medicinal marijuana is available to people who need it (and those of us who don’t but who can nevertheless convince their doctor to give them ANYthing not that I know anyone like that or anything.)

    Till then, keep up your breathing AND your lottery fantasy. I think both are very good for you.

    • @ Suze – The bong, the bong, oh she is long gone! Very rhymey – I like it! I too can conjure up the “Dude” attitude without the ganga (maybe my post should have been called “Dude, Where’s my Bong At?”). Doh! Glad to know I am not alone thinking about stress as it relates to using de-stressing methods. I went out with the girlie’s for a while last night (to de-stress or rather, relax) and it took me two hours to drink a martini. I couldn’t even finish the damn thing. I admit, drinking didn’t do much to relax me and I feel grogged out this morning. Guess I’m an old head now.

      @ Lissa – No, no – living in fear isn’t good. I’m about to do a good old fashioned Ben Franklin analysis of the situation. Most of my friends vote for me to move and that holds a lot of weight in my decision making process. There are no absolutes in life. No magic answers. No crystal balls. But, I have plenty of bubbles and a big bag of clown noses. I still live in the best country in the world and I am so grateful for that. Missing you too!

      @ Jim – I agree. Pot isn’t as bad as alcohol, tobacco OR the average American diet which KILLS people every day. Don’t even get me started about the drug companies! Funny what is chosen to be legal and acceptable behavior and what is not. I think we need more laughter prescriptions and less Prozac.

      @ Nucleus – Considering my friend blew his brains out with a gun and my first boyfriend had a gun accident and blew part of his hand off with a hollow tip bullet – I am no fan of guns. As an American I respect and understand the need to protect and defend (I am still a card carrying Italian and believe in protecting my “ass”ets at all times). I also realize apathy is more likely to kill people than guns but I still think we need to get these guns OFF the streets. Our culture supports violence (tv, media, movies, music etc.) and yet we still scratch our heads wondering why people shoot, stab and kill. Duh! Part of me wishes the gun toters would just shoot and kill each other (leaving innocents out of the way). Let them have a blood bath – leave the rest of us out of it. But, that’s fantasy land.

      @ Linda – This neighborhood has been rough. Over the years it’s gotten better but of late, especially with the murder, we are all on edge. We can take every precaution under the sun but inevitably, we all have to die sometime, preferably of natural causes and not by gunfire. Now chocolate you say, excellent choice. I do indulge in a bit of the sweet brown magic now and again but it is a thigh killer, ain’t it? *laughing* My friends are wonderful and I do get a lot of support from them. Everything will work out just as it’s supposed to – as Bob (he knew where his bong was at) Marley once said: every little thing is gonna be alright. Giggle On! Bob.

      @ Anita - Thanks for the invite. You’re a sweetheart. As I was talking to friends last night about my concerns, I also talked to them about Laughter Yoga, specifically, a laughter yoga exercise called “Brazilian Bikini Wax Laughter” created by my friend Maria. We were hootin’ and hollarin’ at the bar and all the laughing helped me release the stress about the events in the hood. Laughter IS the best medicine.

      @ JD – Thanks for chiming in about the lottery fantasy. I really like that one a lot. For me, it’s all about security (and Rosie and laughing and Victoria Secret underwear – a girl has priorities). Aside from the “Don’t Give Up. Giggle On!” mantra, I also embrace this mantra “Protect my cute Ass at all times”, “Don’t Ruin my Giggle Dude” and “If you shoot me I will haunt you and your family for the rest of eternity”. It’s very Zen, Sicilian Zen, but still Zen. Dontcha think? *laughing*

  8. As you know, Christa, my motto (or one of them, at least) is: “yoga: like marijuana but good for you.” Then, I’m certainly in no position to judge anybody else’s decision to toke up.

    Back in the old stoner days (which would encompass most of my adult life), I used to now and then encounter some really irritating self-righteous “ex-pot smokers” turned anti-pot crusaders who’d say things like “you don’t need to smoke pot; I smoked enough for everybody.” (I put “ex-pot smokers” in quotation marks because I always doubted their stoner credentials; I suspect, if pressed for details, they’d probably let loose with revelations like “I was so outta control I got high TWICE in ONE WEEK!!”) The obvious rejoinder to such people, of course, would be “so shut yer mouth while I catch up….”
    .-= YogaforCynics´s last blog ..Wrestling, Yoga, and That Touchy-Feely Loving Kindness Shit… =-.

  9. Yeah, we need to get you out of the city Wilmington…and into Amish country with me…or Nags Head, NC (hee hee) – as for pot, at one time in my life I would be proud to say I have NEVER smoked it – now I’m thinking I missed something – 34 years and counting and still never smoked it – maybe if I did I would be green or blue and not red and black on the stress meter.

  10. Sounds like you’ve got a lot of stress happening in your life, and perhaps these recent incidents just tipped the lid for you?

    It sounds kinda new-agey but I’ve often been told (and believe it to be true): we are never given more than we can handle.

    Things might be scary and/or stressful, but without a doubt you can handle it.

    And however you choose to handle life’s circumstances, its no one else’s business as long as you’re not hurting others.

    Dope has never really been my thing, even when I was right into the party drugs scene. But I have used alcohol that way.

    As long as you’re doing it conciously, aware that its just a band-aid and not solving your ‘stuff’, then do whatever works for you. xo
    .-= Svasti´s last blog ..Sometimes… =-.

    • @ Jay – I agree, yoga is better for me than pot. I used to be a wake-and-baker and fairly high functioning at it as well. Funny how our mind wants to revert to old habits when put under stress. Did bong hits really ever help me? In some ways they did and in some ways it made things worse. Thankfully my anxiety about the hood has decreased in the last few days. Crime happens everywhere. The Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go” keeps replaying over and over in my head. Pretty cool though – I love that song.

      @ Kelli – Your vote was recorded. Thanks. Nags Head – you’re funny. Would you really want me to move that far from your lovely face? I haven’t met many people who haven’t toked at least once so GOOD FOR YOU. Part of me (the old druggie party Christa) wants to encourage you to give a try, at least once but the new improved (so I like to think) woo-woo version of me wants to do the Nancy Reagan thing and tell you to “Just Say No”. Only you can decide. I hope you have green/blue kinda day.

      @ Svasti – I can handle it. As I said to our buddy Jay, I’m much better today. Granted, thugs generally don’t start shoot-outs in the pouring rain so the weather is keeping me safe today.

      Pot smoking and a host of other adult consensual behaviors are fine by me as long no one gets hurt. I agree with you. I won’t go out and buy a new bong, wear tie-dye shirts or douse myself in Patchouli but I will keep saying the word “dude”. Duuuuuude. *laughing*

      No drug will solve my problem. And really, is it a problem? I’m not dead and no one I know was killed in the latest incident. Am I less safe? Less safe than what?

      Perhaps my beef with violence and guns is that it forces me to look at my need for control. I cannot control other people and I cannot stop the gun violence on my own.

      I can find the light in dark situations. I can keep smiling. I choose joy, clown noses, bubbles, silliness, love, frolicking and booty shaking. Naysayers, fear mongers and violence makers can kiss my ass. *laughing*

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